Yelling, Screaming and Shouting
Communication at its best.
The noise volume in this house is completely ridiculous. It's been chipping away at my sanity for far too long and something has got to be done about it.
I never thought I'd be one of "those moms" who constantly yell at their children. Unfortunately, that's what things have evolved into around here. It doesn't help that my boys have this inborn need to push every limit they're given. I can start off well enough in the morning - calmly and rationally making my requests, providing redirection or reminding them of the rules of the house. Generally, by the time I'm finished clearing the dishes from lunch, all rationality has been sucked out of me.
I'm *sure* that my 6 year old is conducting an experiment to see how long it takes to push me completely over the edge. He's got some sensory issues, which makes life both interesting and close to unbearable at times. It's not an exaggeration when I say that he makes noise *all* the time. ALL. THE. TIME. The kid can't shut his mouth to save his life and I know this. Doesn't mean I don't have the urge to drive a screwdriver through my temple after 6 hours of humming, singing and yelling, without interruption. We use some OT techniques to get him to complete his schoolwork (he does math sitting on an oversized fitness ball while chewing gum), but if he isn't actively engaged in something that requires a certain amount of brainpower, he's making some kind of noise.
So, we've got the regular, everyday "house noises" (TV, radio, dishwasher, washing machine, vacuum, etc) and the steady stream of sound emanating from P. Then we have the 3 year old who is still attempting to figure out how to communicate his needs through actual words (as opposed to clunking us over the head with Buzz Lightyear or screaming and crying). Like a good little mommy, I hear myself over and over again - "Use your words, J," which is generally followed by his shouting and screaming about some perceived offense.
As the day progresses, my volume gets louder and louder to compensate for all the other noises in the house, until finally, everything is shouted back and forth. Certainly, most of this is just bad habit and what we're used to doing. I feel like there's now some kind of "noise shorthand" going on - gone are the days of the quiet morning and gradual volume increases. It seems as though we are going from hushed voices to full-on yelling in no time at all.
So - what now?
We have been fining P for various behavioral offenses for quite some time now. It works like this: he gets x-amount of money for an allowance at the beginning of the week. For each offense, he is fined 10-25 cents, which he must take out of his allowance and return to us. At the end of the week, he has spending money based on his behavior. Tantrum at Target? Give me a quarter. Talking back to mom? Give me a dime. Don't want to pay up? Pay me double.
We've gotten a lot of comments on this system, believe me. Timeouts may work for the 3 year old, but P couldn't possibly care less about sitting in timeout or going to his room. I swear he thinks, "You mean, if I hit my brother, I get a timeout for 6 minutes? Cool! I'll hit him twice. 12 mins in nothing!" Money - on the other hand - hits him where it hurts. We make him save his allowance for the big ticket items he wants, so fining him has been a very effective way to teach him that we mean business.
I'm thinking of expanding this system to address the volume issue, but having it include the parental units as well. But what do we do with the money? Saving it isn't punishment. Spending it on a family trip isn't punishment. It's not like you get to do something fun when you pay a speeding ticket. I suppose we can donate it somewhere. I'll have to think about it. Maybe we'll tie it in to TV and/or computer time.
That would hit *me* where it hurt, for sure.
The noise volume in this house is completely ridiculous. It's been chipping away at my sanity for far too long and something has got to be done about it.
I never thought I'd be one of "those moms" who constantly yell at their children. Unfortunately, that's what things have evolved into around here. It doesn't help that my boys have this inborn need to push every limit they're given. I can start off well enough in the morning - calmly and rationally making my requests, providing redirection or reminding them of the rules of the house. Generally, by the time I'm finished clearing the dishes from lunch, all rationality has been sucked out of me.
I'm *sure* that my 6 year old is conducting an experiment to see how long it takes to push me completely over the edge. He's got some sensory issues, which makes life both interesting and close to unbearable at times. It's not an exaggeration when I say that he makes noise *all* the time. ALL. THE. TIME. The kid can't shut his mouth to save his life and I know this. Doesn't mean I don't have the urge to drive a screwdriver through my temple after 6 hours of humming, singing and yelling, without interruption. We use some OT techniques to get him to complete his schoolwork (he does math sitting on an oversized fitness ball while chewing gum), but if he isn't actively engaged in something that requires a certain amount of brainpower, he's making some kind of noise.
So, we've got the regular, everyday "house noises" (TV, radio, dishwasher, washing machine, vacuum, etc) and the steady stream of sound emanating from P. Then we have the 3 year old who is still attempting to figure out how to communicate his needs through actual words (as opposed to clunking us over the head with Buzz Lightyear or screaming and crying). Like a good little mommy, I hear myself over and over again - "Use your words, J," which is generally followed by his shouting and screaming about some perceived offense.
As the day progresses, my volume gets louder and louder to compensate for all the other noises in the house, until finally, everything is shouted back and forth. Certainly, most of this is just bad habit and what we're used to doing. I feel like there's now some kind of "noise shorthand" going on - gone are the days of the quiet morning and gradual volume increases. It seems as though we are going from hushed voices to full-on yelling in no time at all.
So - what now?
We have been fining P for various behavioral offenses for quite some time now. It works like this: he gets x-amount of money for an allowance at the beginning of the week. For each offense, he is fined 10-25 cents, which he must take out of his allowance and return to us. At the end of the week, he has spending money based on his behavior. Tantrum at Target? Give me a quarter. Talking back to mom? Give me a dime. Don't want to pay up? Pay me double.
We've gotten a lot of comments on this system, believe me. Timeouts may work for the 3 year old, but P couldn't possibly care less about sitting in timeout or going to his room. I swear he thinks, "You mean, if I hit my brother, I get a timeout for 6 minutes? Cool! I'll hit him twice. 12 mins in nothing!" Money - on the other hand - hits him where it hurts. We make him save his allowance for the big ticket items he wants, so fining him has been a very effective way to teach him that we mean business.
I'm thinking of expanding this system to address the volume issue, but having it include the parental units as well. But what do we do with the money? Saving it isn't punishment. Spending it on a family trip isn't punishment. It's not like you get to do something fun when you pay a speeding ticket. I suppose we can donate it somewhere. I'll have to think about it. Maybe we'll tie it in to TV and/or computer time.
That would hit *me* where it hurt, for sure.
posted by SuperMomIsDead | 10:07 PM
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