Attention All Non-Human Species
You are hereby given notice.
I'm pretty much a live-and-let-live kind of person. I recognize that we are sharing the planet with many, many other organisms, and I'm generally OK with that. I'm not a girlie-girl, afraid of creepy crawly things and I've safely relocated a number of 6- and 8-legged creatures from interior to exterior parts of my property without any issues.
It has come to my attention that a number of you have decided that sharing the planet entitles you to sharing my living space. It does not. I promise to respect the spider webs you create in the shrubbery and in dark corners of my property. Your underground (or under rock) nests are typically undisturbed. Now, I ask that you show me the same consideration.
To the friends and family of the slithery little antenna-bearing thing that slithered across the top edge of my comforter: Your comrade is dead. Not just dead - but squished into oblivion by a woman who was merely trying to watch some late night TV when the invader nonchalantly meandered past her chin. I suspect this was a descendent of the previous invader - the one who woke me (and subsequently, my husband) from a sound sleep when it crawled between my fingers that were tucked away under my pillow.
In addition, if you truly find it necessary to hang out in my shower, note that you are taking a very big risk. Those creatures who startle me when I'm attempting to steal 5 minutes alone in the bathroom will be:
Furthermore, I will be taking measures to secure the borders of my home. If you cringe at the sight of a RAID commercial, I urge you to evacuate immediately. I will be making a trip to the hardware store this evening to purchase all sorts of sprays, bait and traps for you little bastards.
Oh - and if you happen to be a member of the rodent family, please note that I will not provide you with any warning or consideration whatsoever. My hatred toward you is completely irrational and phobic and I cannot be held accountable for my actions should you decide to take up residency in my home.
I'm pretty much a live-and-let-live kind of person. I recognize that we are sharing the planet with many, many other organisms, and I'm generally OK with that. I'm not a girlie-girl, afraid of creepy crawly things and I've safely relocated a number of 6- and 8-legged creatures from interior to exterior parts of my property without any issues.
It has come to my attention that a number of you have decided that sharing the planet entitles you to sharing my living space. It does not. I promise to respect the spider webs you create in the shrubbery and in dark corners of my property. Your underground (or under rock) nests are typically undisturbed. Now, I ask that you show me the same consideration.
To the friends and family of the slithery little antenna-bearing thing that slithered across the top edge of my comforter: Your comrade is dead. Not just dead - but squished into oblivion by a woman who was merely trying to watch some late night TV when the invader nonchalantly meandered past her chin. I suspect this was a descendent of the previous invader - the one who woke me (and subsequently, my husband) from a sound sleep when it crawled between my fingers that were tucked away under my pillow.
In addition, if you truly find it necessary to hang out in my shower, note that you are taking a very big risk. Those creatures who startle me when I'm attempting to steal 5 minutes alone in the bathroom will be:
- Flushed.
- Drowned.
- Scalded.
- Smashed with whatever is in arms reach.
Furthermore, I will be taking measures to secure the borders of my home. If you cringe at the sight of a RAID commercial, I urge you to evacuate immediately. I will be making a trip to the hardware store this evening to purchase all sorts of sprays, bait and traps for you little bastards.
Oh - and if you happen to be a member of the rodent family, please note that I will not provide you with any warning or consideration whatsoever. My hatred toward you is completely irrational and phobic and I cannot be held accountable for my actions should you decide to take up residency in my home.
posted by SuperMomIsDead | 11:11 AM
1 Comments:
ROFL, that was great!! Your my hero!!
Twins Mom
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